Well, the lovely, relaxing spring break I had is now officially over, and I am back to the crazy whirlwind work of grad school. Let's just say this hasn't been the smoothest transition back - I'm already getting stressed out about all the work I have to do by the end of the semester! Add in my assistantship, finding an internship for the summer, and fitting in time with friends, and I am close to overwhelmed. Somehow I can't seem to force myself to take everything one step at a time and just relax; no, everything seems to be spinning right in front of me but just out of reach.
I'm already disheartened about school again. I thought break would be a refresher for my mind, but yesterday I got slapped in the face by school. The assignment I worked on for weeks - seriously, at least two and a half weeks on this thing - the assignment I was so proud of and excited about, my professor hated. I don't know what I could have done differently or better; I really liked my project! But apparently it wasn't what my professor wanted.
I know it's just one assignment and I shouldn't be too upset over it, but when you put your heart into something, it's hard not to take it personally. I'm a bit better than I was yesterday. I no longer irrationally believe my professor hates me, is taking out her hatred on me, thinks I'm a terrible person, etc. I have realized that I will just never click with this professor, we will probably never agree on anything, and the class will never be my favorite, the one I fondly look back on at the end of grad school and say, "Man, I'm really going to miss that." Nope. Never. I'll be so glad once it's over. But I need to remember that this is all a lesson, it will only make me better (somehow - not quite sure on this one yet) and I can move on and grow from this in just a few short weeks.
Speaking of a few short weeks, I have SO much to do before the end of the semester! I have two 12-15 page papers, a microsite, a speech, multiple finals, and I know I'm forgetting the rest. The end of the semester seems so far away, but I know that soon I'll be freaking out about deadlines and worrying about getting everything done. It's time to practice pacing - taking things one step at a time, doing all I can in one day, and not stressing out if I have to push something back to tomorrow. Too bad I can't push everything back to tomorrow - kidding!
The life of a grad student is never easy. Life is never really easy. I just need to remember not to sweat the small things, take everything in stride, and relax. My dad always used to ask if I tried my best on an assignment or test, and if it was honestly my best work, it really matter what my grade was (that's what got me through high school chemistry!). So, as long as I do my best, I know I can be proud of my work.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
march madness
It's honestly one of my favorite times of the whole year - a close second to football season, March Madness is hour after hour, day after day of nothing but basketball! Yes, shocking I know, this totally girly girl loves sports. Well, I love college sports. Nothing against professional sports or anything, I just think it's silly to be so wrapped up in something where players get paid millions of dollars to do their job - I love the passion, the excitement, and the talent of college sports. And mostly I love my Clemson Tigers.
As a Clemson fan, I have seen many fantastic wins and many horrific losses; I've experienced the highest highs (beating Duke 74-47 my senior year - 2009) and the lowest lows (um, probably giving up our should be win over UNC this past weekend in overtime...ouch...). And that's just basketball - let's not even get into football yet. But for the most part I've remained a loyal fan, loving every second of those 40 minute games.
Last night, my Tigers dominated UAB and successfully gained their first NCAA tournament win since 1997. I was like...10 in 1997. I cannot honestly believe it's been that long since we won. But that year we also went to the Sweet Sixteen - maybe this is a good sign??
After carefully (or not so carefully) filling out my bracket, I am ready for this show to get on the road. Clemson really impressed me last night, and I hope we can keep it up and beat West Virginia tomorrow. I am fully prepared for a lunch date with my TV and my Tigers - the game is at 12:15 on CBS! I have them winning against WVU (for better or for worse...), but as for the rest of my bracket, you'll just have to wait til I tell you how I do. Last year I managed to come in 2nd or 3rd, and for a little while I was actually winning! Amazing, I know. Hope you all get to catch some of the fun that is March Madness. Whether you bet or not, it's still fun to make a bracket and see just how lucky you get!
As a Clemson fan, I have seen many fantastic wins and many horrific losses; I've experienced the highest highs (beating Duke 74-47 my senior year - 2009) and the lowest lows (um, probably giving up our should be win over UNC this past weekend in overtime...ouch...). And that's just basketball - let's not even get into football yet. But for the most part I've remained a loyal fan, loving every second of those 40 minute games.
Last night, my Tigers dominated UAB and successfully gained their first NCAA tournament win since 1997. I was like...10 in 1997. I cannot honestly believe it's been that long since we won. But that year we also went to the Sweet Sixteen - maybe this is a good sign??
After carefully (or not so carefully) filling out my bracket, I am ready for this show to get on the road. Clemson really impressed me last night, and I hope we can keep it up and beat West Virginia tomorrow. I am fully prepared for a lunch date with my TV and my Tigers - the game is at 12:15 on CBS! I have them winning against WVU (for better or for worse...), but as for the rest of my bracket, you'll just have to wait til I tell you how I do. Last year I managed to come in 2nd or 3rd, and for a little while I was actually winning! Amazing, I know. Hope you all get to catch some of the fun that is March Madness. Whether you bet or not, it's still fun to make a bracket and see just how lucky you get!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
life doesn't come with an instruction manual
No one tells you life is hard. No one tells you the secrets to getting what you want - the job, the clothes, the love of your life, etc. Part of the fun of it is learning as you go, but that can also be one of the worst parts about it.
We grow up watching movies and tv shows that show happily ever afters and fairy tales, and it becomes ingrained in us that our lives should follow in the same way. Those movies didn't show the bad things; they showed everything through rose colored glasses and expected us to become eternal optimists, hopeless romantics, and blindly faithful. And when we don't, when we somehow fail to meet these expectations, we automatically feel guilty or bad about ourselves. Why do we allow ourselves to feel so badly about not reaching an ideal that is practically unreachable in the first place?
Everyone is going to have their heart broken at least once in their lives, everyone is going to lose out on the "perfect" job, and everyone is going to feel like they just can't do anything right sometimes. Yes, that is going to hurt, and you're probably going to feel bad for a while. You might even feel worthless. But if this happens to everyone, why do we feel so bad?
Life doesn't come with an instruction manual. It probably wouldn't be as much fun if it did, but when things just don't seem to go your way, you want that instruction manual more than anything. It's like reading the end of a book first to find out the ending. We just want some confirmation that everything is going to end up ok, that we will live an amazing life, and that we won't be failures. Guess those are just things you have to rely on the blind faith for after all...
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