back to the grind

Well, the lovely, relaxing spring break I had is now officially over, and I am back to the crazy whirlwind work of grad school. Let's just say this hasn't been the smoothest transition back - I'm already getting stressed out about all the work I have to do by the end of the semester! Add in my assistantship, finding an internship for the summer, and fitting in time with friends, and I am close to overwhelmed. Somehow I can't seem to force myself to take everything one step at a time and just relax; no, everything seems to be spinning right in front of me but just out of reach.


I'm already disheartened about school again. I thought break would be a refresher for my mind, but yesterday I got slapped in the face by school. The assignment I worked on for weeks - seriously, at least two and a half weeks on this thing - the assignment I was so proud of and excited about, my professor hated. I don't know what I could have done differently or better; I really liked my project! But apparently it wasn't what my professor wanted.


I know it's just one assignment and I shouldn't be too upset over it, but when you put your heart into something, it's hard not to take it personally. I'm a bit better than I was yesterday. I no longer irrationally believe my professor hates me, is taking out her hatred on me, thinks I'm a terrible person, etc. I have realized that I will just never click with this professor, we will probably never agree on anything, and the class will never be my favorite, the one I fondly look back on at the end of grad school and say, "Man, I'm really going to miss that." Nope. Never. I'll be so glad once it's over. But I need to remember that this is all a lesson, it will only make me better (somehow - not quite sure on this one yet) and I can move on and grow from this in just a few short weeks.


Speaking of a few short weeks, I have SO much to do before the end of the semester! I have two 12-15 page papers, a microsite, a speech, multiple finals, and I know I'm forgetting the rest. The end of the semester seems so far away, but I know that soon I'll be freaking out about deadlines and worrying about getting everything done. It's time to practice pacing - taking things one step at a time, doing all I can in one day, and not stressing out if I have to push something back to tomorrow. Too bad I can't push everything back to tomorrow - kidding!


The life of a grad student is never easy. Life is never really easy. I just need to remember not to sweat the small things, take everything in stride, and relax. My dad always used to ask if I tried my best on an assignment or test, and if it was honestly my best work, it really matter what my grade was (that's what got me through high school chemistry!). So, as long as I do my best, I know I can be proud of my work.